So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
