You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
