My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
