in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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