Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm both gender and math confused
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
