Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
