Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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