I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
