haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
