No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
