Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
