is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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