glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just pee around me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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