Do you still have your period?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
