Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
