this beer tastes like vomit already
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
