Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
