Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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