Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
