I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
