I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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