I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
