Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
