A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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