omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
