my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
