we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
