wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
