I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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