I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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