It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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