I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
