Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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