dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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