just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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