The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
