Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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