I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
