I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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