You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
