The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
