Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
