OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
