My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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