I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
