i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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