You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
