Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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