i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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