I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
