Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
